Letter to Moyesy


Courtesy of Small Health Alliance

Dear Moyesy,

It is February 14th and we’re in 7th,

No, not heaven; rather, the doorway to Europ-Ah,

Penalty-Kicked out of the Worth-Nothing Coppa,

Bonced out of the lacklustre FA Coppa

Just the UCL to discuss over this Valentine’s Supper.


Hence, it is with a heavy heart that I pen this letter

The penury of our play, the poverty of our goals,

Are we not worth better??


Vicariously, I date you – my love for the Red devils rises,

Yet you lament your luck, you pass the buck,

‘New players needed’, ‘Injury crises’,

You’re in luck; you still receive your monthly buck.


Before Ivory Yaya again tramples over soft centre,

A raging bull over wilting grassland,

We ask you, in kindness, 3 in the middle is better,

Mata behind the striker, a no-brainer,

The one with no brain, the traitor Wayne, worthy resident of the bench.


Find another way to goal, a path less beaten,

Crossing in vain, Oh God, bloody heathen.

If you do all these, and more (conservative list, this is)

Sell a few, sign a few, and retire a few more still,

And Our love may yet kindle for you.


Hacks quote a hundred mill this summer,

It’s nice and warm so do not freeze –

I want this, that and all of those.

Till then, we’ll try trust, and hope, you know what you’re doing.


Love, Regards,


P.S – If you sanction the sale of Rafa, our right back,

I’ll personally file a petition for your sack.


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